Thinking About – The Holy Guardian Angel

Thinking About – The Holy Guardian Angel

I told this story on the blog nearly three years ago, but I’ve been inspired to tell is again.

From that blog:

When I was very young I got the Measles. I had a raging fever for a number of days and the doctors were quite worried about me. My Dad did nightshift work at the time so my mum brought me in to sleep with her so she could keep a closer eye on me. Even though I had a raging temperature and was extremely sick, 44 years on I can still remember it as if it was yesterday. It was Summer and on that very week roadworks were set up right outside our house. Each morning at about 9am the pneumatic drill would start up and as it was so warm, and I had a fever, the windows were all open. The drill was outside our house but it felt like it was inside my head. It sounded so loud. I was sweating, delirious, and this didn’t help at all. The workmen could do nothing about it really. They couldn’t stop their work because of a sick child.

The Doctor came regularly. Doctor Mather was his name. I still remember the sound of the door ringing, and his jovial voice saying hello to my Mum, then footsteps on the stairs and there he was asking how I was feeling today. That went on for quite some time.

Then one night something happened.

My Mum remembers it well too. She was asleep and felt that I wasn’t laying down in bed. She looked over at me and I was sitting bolt upright, staring at the end of the bed.

“Lie down David, get some sleep,” she said.

“Can’t you see him Mum?” I replied.

My Mum looked in the direction I was staring. Nothing there other than the darkness of night. Shadows, The house silent.

“See what? There’s nothing there. Come on lie down.”

“There is Mum. Look. Standing at the end of the bed. Who is that?” I asked.

My Mum was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable but asked, “What does he look like?”

I looked on into the dark. “He’s tall. He’s got a hat. His hands are together. His eyes are closed and he’s praying.”

I was smiling. I remember that I wasn’t scared at all. It felt completely normal. I just laid back down and went to sleep. My Mum had more trouble relaxing that night.

I obviously recovered from the measles. It was a horrible experience and not one I would wish on any child, but that moment stayed with me. Was I hallucinating? I guess I certainly could have been. I had a temperature of 106 at points during that illness. But years later when our family went on our first overseas holiday to Canada something else happened.

We went to see Ottawa Cathedral and while we were there my parents lost me. One moment I was there, the next I was nowhere to be seen. They split up and began to search for me. I have to say that I remember most of that holiday, but none of what happened while I was lost. My parents tell me that they found me standing and staring up at one of the huge stained glass windows. I was totally still, almost in a trance state. It took a while for me to notice that they were with me, calling my name. apparently I just looked at my Mum, pointed at the window, and said, “That’s him. That’s who was standing at the bottom of the bed.” It was four years later and I was now ten years old. As I say I don’t remember this at all and I’ve sometimes looked on the internet to try to find that window, to find that figure, but of course there are loads of them, and maybe that isn’t meant to be.

Did I see my Guardian Angel? I’ve felt him at other times during my life. The day my eldest son was born and we nearly lost him was one time. There have been others. It’s easy to dismiss our experiences while we are ill and have a fever. But like the experiences of Ayahuasca, a drug that many view as a doorway to Spirit, and the other psychedelics that Shamans use around thew world, can we really be sure that these altered states are simply tricks of the mind or do they allow us to see what is always there around us, like Ultra Violet and other colours our eyes cannot see?

About 12 or so years ago I found comfort in a series of books written by Neale Donald Walsch. They were called Conversations with God and were exactly what I needed to read at that time in my life. One morning he woke up and was compelled to get out of bed, grab a yellow pad of note paper, and begin to write down this inner dialogue he was having. The Other voice, it said, was God. It might seem strange for a Pagan to enjoy such books but, to be honest, I’m open to ideas and wisdom from anywhere – no closed doors here. The books contain some wonderful insights and, as I say, they helped me through a very hard part of my life. He wrote the fourth book in the series last year, after a break of ten years, and I started reading it last night.

What have these books got to do with that experience I had with Measles. I keep coming back to this Guardian Angel. The Inner Voice. I know, say Angel to some Pagans and they will run a mile screaming. Too much fluffy nonsense laid down by New Age Gurus in the 80s and 90s have rather marred the term, but it has a deep connection to Magic. Hardcore Magic. There is a Grimoire The Book of the Sacred Magic of Abra Melin the Mage, a long and in depth ceremony, the aim of which is direct contact with the Holy Guardian Angel. From memory I believe that book led Uncle Aleister Crowley to buy a house in the countryside where he planned to dedicate time to conduct the ritual. I seem to remember that he didn’t finish it. When I was a young magician I read the book written by William Bloom called The Sacred Magician, an account of his experiences when he undertook the full ritual from the Grimoire. It’s an amazing read, and nothing like the Doreen Virtue versions of Angels that filled New Age bookshelves. Powerful stuff indeed. I think you can still get copies of the book from eBay.

To me Neale Donald Walsh was talking to that Holy Guardian Angel. When I was deeply ill, and during the trauma of my eldest son’s birth, I feel I connected with mine. The Rite of Abra Melin opens that connection too. I think we all have that Spirit within us. The one that suggests we don’t catch that particular train, walk or drive a different way to work.

I wonder, is it the same Spirit that Gnostics and Consciousness Gurus talk about?

To feel that presence, become aware that you are reading these words on a screen. They are simply marks on a screen that are somehow communicating with you. You understand them because you were taught how to read. You are physically having this experience, but according to Consciousness Awareness experts and Gnostics there is something behind that physical, logical, experience. Your eyes and brain are deciphering the marks into words, but what/who is actually experiencing the understanding of this message. There is the physical you, and then there is the Watcher that is experiencing life. I’ve heard it said that it is the Universe being born into physical presence experiencing itself. It is this presence that is the Unifying Spirit in all things. Apparently.

Yup. That’s what I feel like when I read this stuff.

But I love to ponder these things nonetheless. Held within a body of blood and bone I’m not sure it’s entirely possible to fully understand or comprehend this stuff, but that doesn’t mean we should stop trying. One day, we will know, that’s for sure.

Have you had a connection with what feels like your Guardian Angel?


18 responses to “Thinking About – The Holy Guardian Angel”

  1. even though i consider nature to be my “religion”, i do believe in angels and i call on them often for help with things in daily life. i also believe in the wee folk although i have not even begun to scratch the surface of really working with them and getting to know their ways and what they can teach me to enhance life here on earth for all living beings. i think it IS a good think to keep an open mind and learn about other beliefs. it allows one to be more eclectic. you can take with you what resonates in you and leave the rest behind. that has always been my approach to such matters. it provokes one to really think about things. i have no real use for organized religion. i think it narrows the mind far too much and is fear based, really….the whole hell concept, etc…i tried it all on once and it just didn’t fit so i left it by the wayside. but at least i tried it. i like my tree hugging, nature spirit searching ways much more. but i think the angels will always be a part of all that, too.

  2. Oh my goodness, this takes me back to when I first properly connected with my Guardian!

    I had recently been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, and was struggling both physically and mentally. A local lady whose dog was friends with my dog was a Reiki practitioner, and offered to have me round to her house occasionally for Reiki.

    It was during one of those sessions; we’d pretty much finished, and my hostess had gone to fetch the glass of water she always insisted I drink after, and I was just lying on my back with my hands open, relaxing. Suddenly I felt a HUGE paw in my hand! I knew it couldn’t be little Blossom, she was a Westie and no way was that a Westie paw. And then I “felt” (as opposed to properly hearing) “FINALLY I have your attention!” It was my Wolf; and she has never left me from that day to this.

    There is a postscript to this – now this really has to be the Universe having a good laugh at my expense – some years later I was also diagnosed with lupus.

  3. Hi Damh….I also accept the reality of angels; in my days as an Anglican minister, during the Eucharist I used the words “with angels, and archangels and all the company of heaven”. Even though I no longer belong to that particular tribe, the words bear witness to a long held experience and tradition. However, there are aspects of talking about guardian angels that make me nervous….what about the person who did take that flight, catch that bus, drive that route, etc? Were their guardian angels awol, were they in some way destined to meet their fate that day? I’m not sure where to begin to tease this question out without in someway bringing hurt to those who relied upon them in this world….John/l\

    • Two things. The first is that some people do die that way, because they’ve finished and it’s time for them to go. Cancer, heart attacks, strokes, simply dying in one’s sleep–those can all be the same, a way to go when it’s time. Please notice I did not say “are” but “can be.” I know this is not true for everyone, just for some people.

      The second is, most people simply do not or cannot pay attention. Either they’re blocked (or headblind) and have had no help in getting unblocked, or they’re so indoctrinated by the skeptic ways of this world that they cannot allow themselves to believe they know or hear anything, cannot allow themselves to trust themselves, and so they ignore that quiet voice.

    • Angels are an integral part of my spirit Allies. They teach me, heal me, guard me. It’s certainly been my experience that they don’t care at all what spirituality a person is. They meet you where you are and help you to get where you wish to be. What matters to them is your growth and your happiness, not your religious trappings.

      It seems to me that although “ang El” only means “messenger of El” the angels are far older than any human religion. I believe those we know as Archangels were originally gods in their own right. It is convenient to find them in the energy where El resides because it gives me a place to turn when I need to call for more help than is around me at any given moment, but I strongly suspect the convenience is just that, and in truth the angels are most likely wherever people look for them. After all, most people today would turn to them through Yahweh/Jehovah, rather than my Pagan friend El.

  4. It is said that the imaginary friends of children are their guardian angels – children are so much more open minded than adults and believe until taught otherwise and so therefore see – my “imaginary friends” visited often as a child when I was in need of them. Much less so in adult hood but my Nan stepped into that role after her passing some 14 years ago and has been watching over me ever since. She was with my when I was brought back from the other side on an operating table, though illness and hard times but in my times of most need she was not alone. I was called back from the other side some 6 years ago not just by her but by Archangel Metatron and the Goddess herself who called me to this path and all three have been there for me ever since if I was most in need through some very trying years.

    Re Angels: – Angels are non denominational and are guardians and messengers of the divine in all its forms – I have worked with and felt the presence of the Archangels and received them when I was on deaths door – sending me back because but was not my time. I have also seen them come to help friends and family cross over. I have also felt their presence guiding and protecting me in other time of need. I wholeheartedly recommend working with the Archangels as it’s an incredible experience and their energy is like nothing else I have ever experienced. They are there to help whoever needs them and do not care who you believe in or worship.

  5. The HGA as seen by Mr Crowley was not a separate entity, but rather the Divine in you. Or, if you like, the Higher Self. But there are separate entities too, and these are not fluffy bunnies. Aiwass, a preternatural entity was according to Crowley, the dictator of the Book of the Law. Crowley saw these beings as being like human, but beyond human.

    Rudolf Steiner explains some of this in his lectures, about the Watcher on the Threshold.

    As for Fate, the true magician makes his or her own. For once consciousness apart from the mechanical universe is realised then we become masters of our own existence.

    Thank-you for this interesting post.


  6. I can’t say I “believe” in angels,but something has kept me from getting killed in each of the 4 accidents I’ve been in where I was hit by a car on my bicycle. I felt no presence,but in each was only minorly injured.
    But I did feel a presence at 14 the night I received what I call my “soul name”. An overwhelming sense of acceptance and love, like a warm blanket on a cold night. I saw nothing,but felt a message…”you are mine,my dearest child,and I am yours”. A female presence….the Goddess? Who can say?

  7. I am certain of the existence of a Holy Gardian Angel and
    I don’t think it is a Higher Self. I think it is a seperate entity with whom you can converse and who can lead your way, when you are “out of your person, or your Self” due to illnes or deep meditation or a trance journey or whatever. There is a very good review on the Abremelin Operation, called After the Angel, written by Marcus Katz.

  8. Hey Damh – As a Pagan, I too am open to Wisdom from all avenues. That being said, I have always believed in Angels, and though they have not visited me in my recent history (that I know of), I still do believe in them. We cannot know “consciousness” per se, but I believe that parallel universes absolutely exist, and we ‘bleed’ into each other frequently. It is in stillness that we are mot likely to find the threads between worlds, and be able to touch the Infinite.

  9. I had an accident,where a car bumped into me (I was on a bycicle), I was lying on the ground,just around a corner and it was rush hour. I was entwined in my bycicle and could not get up right away, everything suddenly stood still,and there was no sound to hear,eventhough I could see people around me and cars driving past me on the other road, I turned around knowing that I would see cars approaching me fast,but there was non (maybe all this happened much faster than I realized) or maybe I was just lucky…it made that I was not paralized by fear but got up and went on the side,and than all those cars came rushing towards where I had just been lying a few moments ago…..I left this place with a fast beating heart and within me it said “help, I don´t want to die”,I was like in shock….only half an hour later or so,I had to cross the same crossing once more,and when I was at that traffic light, eventhough there were many cars around me ,it got really quiet,and I knew something was coming,I suddenly “felt” a very strong presence” in the middle of this crossing, I did not “see” it but felt it to be really quite big,and it opened it´s arms and said” “don´t be afraid,I am always with you”…..this was the moment,where my heart slowed down and the “I don t want to die,turned to ” I am alive”….eventhough I did not see an image back than ,my soul knows that it was my guardian angel…..

  10. Damh, I follow the green man. I work with plants at a box store. The nurserys we deal with have no respect for the plants, I work very hard to be the plants guardian. To help them live and grow is my goal. Each season the I fail, I get yhe word to throw the remaining plants away. Only I do this, but only I mourn there passing. The mother and the green one know. I guess I try to be the plants angle but I am not that good or vain. I just try to sell(save)as many as I can. I love the plants and trees and shrubs. I am glad you have your gaurdian. I would miss the magic you bring to this world. From Alaska,

  11. Great stuff, Damh. I’ve had many instances where I’ve felt the presence of a “Force” being with me & I’ve felt myself being pulled back from doing something that may have harmed me & on occasion leading me to something that has helped me. I talk to my Spirit Helper everyday & ask for help when I’m struggling. Whatever we call our Helpers whether it be Angels, Guides, Helpers or whatever names we use, they are with us throughout our Earthly lives, at least I know mine have been. I also get comfort from my Labrador, Max, who moved on 14 years ago this month. He comes to me sometimes at night, I feel his weight on my bed or in the smell of “dog”, I don’t have a “live” pet anymore. Sometimes when we leave childhood behind we leave our Helpers behind too, but they don’t leave us, they are always with us. All we need to do is accept them & we will find them there.

  12. Beautiful post and really thought-provoking. I’ve got my own experience of a guardian angel – I was seriously ill in hospital following the birth of my son and there was a nurse in an old-fashioned uniform who always stood behind my bed, night and day. She never spoke, never moved, never went away, until I was well enough to be transferred to a normal ward. And then she just wasn’t around anymore. Not sure if it was a ghost, an angel or just the morphine 🙂 but her presence gave me absolute comfort and I wasn’t scared whilst she was around.

  13. Greetings Damh,

    Thanks for sharing your lovely, powerful story. 🙂 I’ve had many experiences with my Spiritual Guides since childhood, and the experiences have continued to expand and become deeper, as I have developed in my Spiritual Growth & awareness. Druidry enhances these experiences for me.

    I too, have experienced & connected with Beings in the Angelic Realm. Sometimes I find that it may be a matter of Language that one uses to name them, that may be a little different for each person also. In my work with Clients in “Goddessence Hypnotherapy,” I may call upon Angels, Beings of Faery, Goddesses, etc. that are appropriate & significant for each person, to assist in the process.

    In hypnosis (just as in deep trance in ritual or ceremony), we can enter into higher frequency dimensions, and see beyond the mundane, conscious state of mind & reality. As we know, the Ancients entered into these multidimensional levels of reality to create magick, healing, prophesy, etc., & to work with Beings of other dimensions, to bring about the desired results. Connecting with our Ancestors & Order Guides, is a major part of Druidry for me.

    I’ve had experiences where my Druid Order Guides were there with me, along with Beings that I recognized as being specifically from the Angelic Realm. I’ve also experienced Beings from the Faery Realms, & Beings & Teachers that I knew from previous lives, and I realized that throughout the ages, they had been with me, Guiding (and sometimes protecting) me. If I am aware of them, and listen to their guidance, it makes a significant difference in my decision making, life choices & opportunities, on a daily basis.

    I find that as we move into higher dimensional reality through “trance work,” we may be able to sense, see, hear, and communicate with Beings from those higher dimensions. It’s not uncommon for a Spiritual Hypnotherapist to work with a client’s (and our own) Guides, Beings of Faery, Goddesses or Gods, the Angelic Realm, Ascended Masters, we work with clients in the healing process. Names of the Beings may differ, depending on the beliefs & paths of individuals.

    Connecting with my Druid Guides is a major part of my practice as a Druid. I find that moving beyond 3rd dimensional reality is essential in connecting with, and understanding my Guides & Guardians & helps me to relate to life beyond the mundane 3rd dimensional world. It deepens my relationships with them, & helps me understand Reality in full spectrum awareness.

    I find that when we “open up” to other dimensions, we can begin to Become who we Really are on all levels. We can awaken from the slumber of 3rd dimensional reality, to the Splendor of the 7th-12th dimensional awareness. Answers to profound questions, & understanding our true purpose in life, can be found there in the higher dimensions. Our Guides await us Lovingly, Mercifully, to awaken, & to hear their call.

    Brightest Of Blessings to all….

  14. Hi Damh and everyone
    I agree that there are forces out there which could be called Angelic but calling them angels is just a label. I also agree with other posts that say there are other types of beings be they faerie, elemental or souls who have elected to work as guides for a while. I’m a therapist and have occasionally had help “step in” and assist when I was working on someone. They’re nothing to be afraid of, are definitely separate and very powerful but there to help when it’s needed.

    I think the confusion about Angels stems from the way we are able to perceive these higher vibration beings. They will only show us what we can cope with, that why some people see them one way and others totally differently. Their energy is the same, what we’re seeing is the same, it’s the eyes that are looking that make the difference. Same way that if you’re looking through a dirty window you’ll not see the full picture of the garden beyond, the clearer you are you’ll see them differently. Probably also where all the argument about which are male and female comes from and why there are a thousand different descriptions of each of them. They’ll show themselves in the way that’s best for you.

    You do hear some diverse things said about angels – they can only help if you call them, you can ask them to get you a parking space ( !! who would an angel have to annoy to get that job for the day !! ) – but it’s clear they can help when they want without your request and that there’s more help and love for us in the Universe than we know. We can only respect and thank it and try to follow the example.

    love, smiles and blessings to all

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