Time to Open Up

Time to Open Up

I don’t usually post very personal blogs here but I feel I need to just let you know why the blog and general communication through my social media sites have been quieter than usual over this year – particularly in the last few months. I know this kind of post can be triggering for some people, so be aware I’ll be talking about death and dementia. If that’s not something you want to read, do move on. I get it.

Some of you will have met my parents. They used to come along to the Fairfield Halls Witchfest International gigs and I introduced them to the audience each time as Mum and Dad the Bard. They loved it there, being with you all. Dad died on his birthday a couple of years ago. Mum took it badly, and she was already showing signs of forgetfulness even as Dad approached his final few months. Dad was worried about Mum and I reassured him that I would have her back and she would be looked after. After Dad died Mum stayed with us for a while, and then returned to her home, living there for over a year. But then she had a fall, and her memory was getting worse, so I arranged a Dementia test that revealed that things were progressing. There were other physical problems and the carers who were coming in to get her dressed and bring her Meals on Wheels couldn’t really cope anymore. So in April this year she moved into a care home I found only 10 minutes walk from my house.

She’s been much happier there, having people around her, and also having good nurses on hand. That left the difficult task of clearing their house to pay for the care home fees. Which I’ve been doing over the past few weeks.

The house clearing has been intensely emotional. Going through the physical pieces of the lives of two of the most wonderful people who walked this Earth. Seeing what remained. Having to make incredibly difficult choices about what I wanted to keep, and what I simply couldn’t. It brought up deep questions about life, what it was all about, my own mortality, the future, the past, physical remains of childhood memories that I had to let go of, just to keep the memories themselves. I know so many of you will have gone through this stage of life. It’s tough. I know it’s a part of the Journey of our lives, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

It was Mum’s birthday last Friday. I brought two cakes – one for me and Mum, another bigger one for the other residents and the staff – a card, some candles, and flowers, and took them over to her. When I arrived at the care home they had already got a cake big enough for all of the residents, there were balloons, bunting, and a man with a keyboard was singing all of their old favourite songs. I joined in too. It was lovely. But at one point Mum turned to me and asked me who I was. I’d been dreading that moment. After a little while she remembered, but it happened. Damnit. Dementia is so cruel! Watching the person who gave you life slowly disappear. That moment knocked me for six. There have been other difficult questions like asking where Dad is, and am I there to take her home. There are moments of clarity when her smile is as bright as ever, but over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed her energy waning. She’s tired. I know she’s ready to go. She tells me so.

“I want to be with your Dad.”

I know you do Mum.

I know you do.

So my friends, there it is. That is why I haven’t been very active here or on my socials. Music is still an anchor for me, so my House Concerts and live shows are such a joy – but sometimes even then keeping my energy up has been a challenge. My Path has taken me into previously unexplored areas of the Forest and these new meetings have brought strength to me, and a deeper understanding of What It All Means. What is important, and what isn’t. My energy is being pointed in other areas as I flow through this part of life. When these times arrive I know it can make some people question their Path. For me, it has been the steady ground beneath my feet, the arms that have held me. I’ve always expressed my feelings in song, and I know that there are songs here too. But right now I need to think about Mum, Dad, their lives together, and to be with her in this part of her Journey before she joins him on their next adventure.

In peace and love xxx

80 responses to “Time to Open Up”

  1. Just sending you all the love and strength that you need . This is precious time, and there will be joy, laughter and tears as the journey progresses . Take solace where you find it and the world will not stop spinning because you are a bit quieter on the social media side, but it and we , will all be there waiting and holding you when you can come back . xx

  2. Big hugs to you Dave , it’s the hardest journey anyone can travel lost my in-laws within 2 years of each other to this awful condition.
    It’s a heartbreaking journey but sometimes the sun shines just for a moment and things seem brighter just for a short time, I don’t envy you the heartbreaking task of sorting your parents home it’s a nightmare so brutal I found xxxang

  3. It must have been hard to share this, Dave. You pop into my thoughts every so often and I always wish you the best. This time I’m sending love & strength to you both. Xx

  4. sending you a big hug. it is a terrible moment when a parent turns to you and doesnt recognize you. im sorry you are going through this stuff right now. i hope it doesnt get any harder on you. sending you positive energies. hang in there as this too shall pass….

  5. Yes, it’s tough.
    My wife and I are living in a care home for 2 and 1/2 years now, and I see it happening to my wife right before my eyes. But with her the process is very slow, she could be around for another twenty years, maybe. ( She is almost 72 .) But her essence has never changed; when someone says or does something that she doesn’t like, she react still adequately, and her sense of humor has not left her. On the other hand, she doesn’t know what she did yesterday, so…
    But she doesn’t not go like her mother, who became an unbeatable bitch when she was some years into dementia.
    Well, wishing you strength and peace,
    Hennie

  6. When my husband and I need comfort, we listen to your music. I’m sorry that we can’t return that favor. What a comfort it must be to your Mother to have you so close. We wish you as many good days as possible.

  7. Big Hugs to you Dave
    been through the same the last few years my mum and dad passed a long time ago still miss them every day and always will and that was hard
    This last 2 years my husbands parents have had dementia and sadly both have now passed
    my second mum and dad
    I managed to cook a meal every day for 4 years for them right to the end and they kept at their home.. with our help, It’s been hard and taken a lot of days but done it .. full of love.
    Now that they are both gone we have dealt with the house it’s now up for sale and a life times belongings have just about been sorted so sad to do heartbreaking ! and stops you in your tracks
    it’s not been easy.
    You will need time to adjust and find your time again keep those feet on the ground and you will get through
    it’s all because we love and that’s a gift
    so be gentle and take it slow
    J xxx

  8. Hi Damh, thank you for sharing. I wish you strength to cope with these challenging times and love to guide you through. Your music has seen me through some difficult times and i am sure it will continue to be your anchor.
    All the best, Eef Goldstein

  9. *warm tight hugs* This is never an easy time. We send love and peace to you Damh. Don’t forget to take care of you as well my friend.
    /|\

  10. Oh Dave, we really feel what you’re experiencing, both of us having lost mums, one to dementia the other to over-ripe old age, it’s like there is a sense of pre bereavement to it all. And then, as you say, there is the realisation that one is now the elder and have moved along the queue marked “Exit” a little more. Thank you for sharing this, I know it’s not easy, particularly at this, your “favourite” time of year! You’ll be in our thoughts, Blessings to you both and love to your mum.

  11. Hi Damh

    Thanks for this honest and brave post. As you say, dementia is so cruel; I experienced similar emotions and had to perform similar tasks for my mum after my dad died suddenly over 30 years ago now. They lived in a council house and dad was her carer. After he died, it soon became clear that she couldn’t live alone and that full-time skilled residential care was the only way forward. Their had to be emptied asap which left little time to reflect on the situation. I have a little case which holds so many memories for me…old photos of mum and dad, my dad’s original red driving licence, mum’s CoOp dividend book, her wartime ration book and paper clippings.
    As I rattle on through my 70s, I wonder if my children might have to perform the same tasks for me…who knows. And yet the wheel continues to turn, the cycles of nature hold a mirror to enable us to see beyond the moment and offer hope….be hopeful my friend.
    I recall your words, Damh,…”rich people have therapists, the rest of us have music”….keeping playing that music. Peace and Blessed be.

  12. Beautiful words. Thank you for sharing this.
    Your mum and dad sound like wonderful people. And you sound like a wonderful son.
    Wishing you the strength to deal with the next part of your mum’s and your lives.

  13. Dave my heart goes out to you for sure an open and honest blog post. Can’t actively help you but I can send you my love and support. Many blessing ❤️‍

  14. Bless you, dear man. My grandmother was lost to us due to dementia. It’s a horribly cruel thing to erase a person’s mind.

    Thinking of you.

  15. So sorry to hear about your mum but she is obviously happy in her own way and you have to have time to grieve and time does heal I promise you I lost both my parents within a couple of months of each other also a younger brother three years ago and two sisters and some cousins a few years ago as well you don’t forget them but time does heal and you know you will see them again as well Blessed Be

  16. I feel for you so much – and I’m sending calming energies. We went through that with both parents. Mom passed in 2016 from Parkinson’s and Lewey Body Dementia. I was not there when she passed, as I was 3 hours away, but I do remember visiting from time to time and listening to all the crazy talk from her dementia. It was like something had taken over her mind – and it had. After a few years, Dad started getting the same way, just not with Parkinson’s. I’ll never forget the last time I saw Dad, he was in a nursing home at the height of COVID, and had caught it from staff (back then in 2020, no one thought about that, and how badly it was getting with the residents.). I had to “suit up”, and for a while we had a pretty nice visit. Talking about his country music CDs, his granddaughter, my garden (I’m the only sibling that followed in his footsteps in that area), and just chatting. I knew he didn’t have long, as he had other ailments along with the COVID. But I tried to keep a stiff upper lip. All of a sudden, my Dad looked at me and said, “ You know, I didn’t even know who you were til just now.” I was devastated. But I played it off, chuckling a bit, telling him that he should know if I talk about gardening then I’m Sherri. After a bit the nurse came and it was time for me to go. Leaving Dad that day, I knew I wouldn’t see him again. He passed a few days later. It’s tough. Really tough. Just know that lots of us fans hear you and feel you. You are not alone. Blessings to you dear Dave.

  17. You are not alone on this path. We are dealing with my wife’s parents dementia as well. They are in separate long term care homes due to different needs. There are moments of clarity then there are times of forgetting. We are just happy that they are being cared for by good people and are as safe as they can be.
    Cleaning out the house that they lived in since the 1960’s has been extremely difficult for us, especially my wife, who grew up in that home. Soon it will have to be sold and we will never walk through that front door again. But it must be done. I will be there for my wife when all of this will inevitably come to an end. It is a journey that we all must take.

    Regards, Jay

  18. Dear Dave, a lot of blessings for you, Cerri Lee and the whole family! Peace and love for your mom.
    In 20 years of working with elder people I know, that one thing never vanish- the emotions. Your mother will feel your presense, even if she doesn‘t recognise you.
    With Love

    Karen

  19. Hi Dave, I’m so sorry that you’re going through the experience of this terrible disease. It’s very hard on those watching their loved one. You lose them more than once. I hope you can have some time with your mum that’s not too painful for you. Sending love, Áine x

  20. You’ve done everything right, Dave. Me saying I know where you are doesn’t help, but I do know where you are. When this is passed into the past you will have no regrets as you have done everything right, everything you could, at the right time and in the right way. My love and blessings are sincere and deep for you all /|\

  21. Oh sweetheart, I wish I’d known about your mom’s dementia, but I respect your wish for privacy.
    My dad had dementia, and I journeyed along with him. But it was easy for me because we had never gotten along, but all the sudden we were close.
    Your journey is very different. My heart breaks for you and your family. You will all be in my heart. If you need to talk, you can talk to me via e-mail, facebook, or on the Astral. I understand and sorrow with you.
    Blessed be, my friend.
    Laura Capshaw

  22. Wow … thank you, Dave, for sharing such a tender part of your journey.

    Yes, I and many others do understand where you are right now … you are not alone.

    I am aware there are very skilled folks in the Order, who know a great deal about such things but here is what has helped me over the last 40 years …

    Try not to become to attached to the loss aspect … rather, celebrate their lives.

    Remember the adventures and retell the stories … out loud.

    I have found that the focusing upon and retelling the Stories around the table or fire … slowly shifts our pain into happiness.

    Well … perhaps not all the pain or numbness goes but now there is a smile on our faces … and life just got a bit easier.

    Nadia and I both Love you, my Brother and we both sure do send our hugs over the miles.

    • Bless you and your wonderful Mum Damh.My Dah’s in a care home,and we phone him every night,but all the time he keeps asking when are we (my sister and I (I’m long-term ill and disabled, she’s my carer)) going to get a house so that he can come back and live with us.He’s 93 and I honestly think that carers wouldn’t be able to cope with all of his needs if he was in our home.It’s heartbreaking,as he desperately wants to be with us.Every night he asks us this.Parents,eh?!
      It’s the ages we’re at,I’m afraid.
      Wishing all the best for you and your Mum,thank you for being so open about it,not many people talk about doing the right thing by their parent/s.You are not alone.Love Diana.

  23. Hi Dave,

    What a wonderfully written, incredibly sad explanation of your perceived quietness recently…. But please, don’t feel guilty or that you have to explain.

    I have been through some of tge processes you’ve described. With my parents it was cancer, not dementia, so I can’t say I know exactly what you’re going through, but clearing out my childhood home and putting it on the market certainly resonates deeply.

    Please remember that over decades your music and performances have brought together, encouraged and deepened the pagan community & I know from personal experience that your songs have held me in ways I couldn’t have imagined through some really tough times. I’m sure it has for others also.

    So know perhaps, as you travel through this emotional and upsetting part of your own journey, it is time to let the community you have served so brilliantly over the years, hold you for a while.

    You will be in my thoughts & im sure the thoughts of everyone who reads this in the coming months.

    Blessed be

  24. Oh Dave it’s a horrible time for you. I’ve been there. Within three years I lost my mother and my daughter, my father having died some years previously. My family home also had to go to pay inheritance fees and although I was very reluctant to let things go, I had to as my home is quite small. I did manage to hang on to the little carved table that had the ‘sweetie tree’ on it every Christmas when I was a child. It’s all taken a little bit of me, my daughter’s death the biggest bit and although I don’t find time heals, I think you build your new life around that pain, even if some days it’s an hour at a time. It’s all part of life’s rich tapestry, that leaves so many questions unanswered. Take time for you, sending hugs x

  25. Bless you Dave just remember the good times, relive them with your mum while you can. When she wonders show her photos or sing to her xxx

  26. Dave, I feel for you. Your words about your mum and dad could almost have been written about me and my mum and dad. My dad died two years ago soon after his birthday and my mum had dementia and died in a care home not long after her birthday. Mum’s funeral is next week.

    I don’t think I need say any more.

    Kind blessings to you and your family. xxx

  27. I feel for you Dave, I’ve been through this already and encountered all the same sorts of things that happen. My coping mechanism to help me get through was to focus on the moments of clarity, the joy they would bring. Also learnt not to sweat the small stuff, the bad days etc. Giving your time and love is the greatest thing you can do
    Take care man and keep talking as bout your journey, talk is good

  28. I’m a health care provider in the US and I work with dementia folks. It is truly a terrible disease. You will be in my prayers and meditations. May all that is sacred and divine bless you and your parents.

  29. Oh Dave this is such a sharp corner in our lives. It does not help right now, but I really believe that we will all come out the better people for it, with yet more experience and being more whole for it further along the road. I also hope – since your mother is ready – that the way to her husband will be short, it truly sounds like he is calling. All the best dear Dave.

  30. Wow, thank you for finding the courage to share such personal news. I work in a seniors residence in Quebec and I understand your challenges. May the earth rise beneath your steps keep you steady on your path. Much love

  31. I discovered your music at a very difficult time in my life. I was care giving for my 32 year old son who had an inoperable brain tumor. Your music gave me an emotional strength to look at life and the process of a terminally ill young man. His symptoms for the last 6 months of his life were very similar to dementia. My husband was diagnosed with dementia five months ago. At that time he was losing words but still himself. Three months ago he was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. He went through a major surgery and then started chemo. He talked to me about not wanting to forget our 49 years of marriage and our children. We intentionally discussed our experiences, memories and looked at photos. It was precious time. Last Wednesday he passed away from complications of the chemo drugs. I am truly grateful for our time looking back. Again, your music lifts me and supports me through this time. I wish I had a way to help you but I can only tell you that your voice and your music have truly been a gift to this world. Thank you. Please take care of yourself.

  32. Dave,
    I am so sorry! I watched my beloved grandmother go through this with Alzheimer’s and it was absolutely horrific. Towards the end, she had no idea who I was who any of us were and it was absolutely heart wrenching. Just know that I am there with you in spirit as many of us are, we love you we honor you. We honor your mother and father and we hold special space for you. We see you as a brother.

  33. My heart goes out to you. This is such a difficult thing to deal with. Just remember that you are ding your best for your mom–you have her back. Even when she can’t show it, she will know that you love her.

    Take care of yourself too, that way you can take care of her

  34. Much love to you and your Mum. May her path, and yours, now have a joyous peacefulness to it. Blessings on you and yours. (Oscar included, of course).

  35. Dave,
    I’m sitting here in my office tearing up, having been through it with both parents, and as we know the wound never truly heals. One feels really helpless at times like this. We wish with all our hearts that there was something to be done or said that would make it easier knowing full well there’s nothing. If I believe anything though it’s that this isn’t the end. We’ll all meet up again on some far distant shore and perhaps have a chuckle at our limited understanding and how seriously we took things. In any case, please accept the heartfelt best wishes from the many whom your music has touched and know that we’re all with you in spirit and in love.

  36. Being there for someone you love as they turn towards the door is hard, it’s raw tooth and claw stuff. It does give us cause to question but your faith and Cerri will ease it. I think it’s the final thing you can do for someone. Sending you much love and strength. Xx

  37. My Mom had Alzheimer’s too. I spent my daughter’s 17th birthday out of state at my Mom’s funeral. She remembered me to the end, but 9 years on, didn’t remember my daughter/her granddaughter wasn’t an 8 year old anymore. Having the same conversation 5 times in a row as if it’s a new topic every time during our phone calls was heartwrenching whenever she spoke of my “little one”as if she was still in grade school instead of high school. I just went with the flow; what else can one do at that point? Bright blessings on you and yours. Give your Mum a kiss and a hug for me, please, for being your Mum, and for the music you share with us all as your dear self.❤️❤️

  38. This is so poignant. Can feel your emotions. I’ve been there six times, clearing parents and in-laws houses and then the care homes rooms. None was easy and none was happy. The good thing Dave is that we do it with love. When there is love there are happy memories. It is true that to have loved and lost is better than never to have loved or been loved.
    Perhaps a song is to be found here. You write such wonderful songs when your emotion is high and wobbly.
    Sending you lots of love.

  39. Sometimes it seems the wheel doesn’t turn as easily, especially in times like this… but it does remind us of what is important and prepares us for our next chapter… all of those memories you have… they will be with you forever as I believe they imprint on our soul… as I am sure they have with your Mum. She may not be able to recall everything in the physical but those memories are imprinted for her too. Sending lots of love and healing energy to you and yours.

  40. Peace be with you. This part of your journey is familiar, quite similar to what we went through with my grandparents almost 30 years ago. I too don’t find these events as something that shakes me but rather something that grounds me. /|\

  41. May peace and love surround you – and all of us – on this difficult final Journey with our parents and loved ones. My parents are in good health but my 58 year old brother is dying of alcohol associated liver failure. He will eventually get a form of dementia. My 82 year old mother, my two sisters and I – all of us non drinkers – are caring for him. You’re a wonderful son, Damh.

  42. I know this journey (or at least my particular path on this journey). My younger brother died of dementia complications this past month. I, too, am facing the Dweller on the Threshold

  43. I know this journey (or at least my particular path on this journey). My younger brother died of dementia complications this past month. I, too, am facing the Dweller on the Threshold.

  44. I hate to say, it will only get harder.
    Enjoy every moment of peace, love and harmony with your Mum.
    ❤️ to you and your family.

  45. You have my deepest sympathy. I know exactly what you are going through and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. It truly is the worst of illnesses.My thoughts are with you and hope (know) you have the straight to get through this sad time in your life.

  46. I know just how you feel my mum past in 2017 with the same at one point she grabbed my arm twisted it and told me she would rip my heart out and watch me die I saw a different person behind her eyes that day all I could wish for her was to pass in her sleep and that’s just what happened now she is with my dad and both are happy so blessed be my lovely my prayers are with you and your family x

  47. You are doing the right thing. That is important. My parents live on the other side of the globe so when the time comes that they need care I know I will not be capable of being there for them. My brother and sister do live right at the same city as my parents, so I trust my parents are in good hands. Though it is not good knowing I can’t take care of them from here.

  48. Dearest Damh,

    “Somedays there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyways”. Emory Austin quote

    Thinking of you and your Mum and sending Love, Light and Peace

  49. Tough times for sure. Bless you for being there for your folks. I was one of the main caregivers of my Maternal Grandparents till the end; I know it’s not easy. Do what you need to do and we will be here to cheer you on when you “return”
    Tammy Davis (and all the rest here on the farm; the sheep, dogs and cows love you too!)

  50. With much love and understanding to you and your family. Treasure the lucid moments you have with your Mum. The tough knotted up moments of confusion etc are not your Mum but just tangled up words of frustration and pain. I feel for you, I remember it well in my Nan. Make gentle caressing music for your Mum – you may find it helps….you both. With much love and understanding, Claire

  51. May your love and memories find a place in your soul that will give you peace in the darkest of moments and may you keep a song in your heart!

  52. Dear Damh,
    I sure do know how you feel. My Dear Mum had frontal lobe dementia. I was very close to her as I lived with her for almost 10years.Happily because I was with her she was able to live in her own unit except for the last 3 months.
    I can remember her saying that her mother and father didn’t know where she was so they couldn’t pick her up. I told her I would tell them. She was in a nursing home and didn’t trust or bond with anyone.We finally scattered her ashes on their graves about a month ago.Even if she doesn’t recognize you she will still know you its you and there will be moments of clarity.You will get through this and its so important that you are there for her.Its Not easy though.
    Bright and Beautiful Blessings From Australia.

  53. Wow Damh. I’m very sorry to read this and also am a bit reflective on this happening to me as I lost my grandmother a year ago from this. I won’t burden you with my personal sentiments as you are not my therapist so all that’s left to say is what I’ve done trying to help her. Researching different homeopathic remedies made my buy her looks mane mushroom extract so I’d like to mention that. The rest of what I could have to say won’t do much and will only get in the way especially since we are both musicians and need to put this into our music as you mentioned. What I will say, is that those of us who walk this path are in fact gifted with bringing these loved ones with us everywhere we go and that helps me. Knowing you do similar things and hoping it helps to read my mentioning it leaves me with one final thing. Being less active this year for you I’m sure has or will prove best for elevating the impact your music can bring so thanks for sharing this and again, very sorry to hear.

    Sincerely, 6 year druid cast listener/druid & winner of last months prize.

    Blessed be, Mickey GemInEye

    PS I’ve drafted an email to you that also has some stuff from my daily life clued in but it all actually just amounts to my excitement with doing my seed collection. Best wishes, Merry meet!

  54. beautifully written. Having been where you are a few years back I can relate to every part of it, including how triggering going through all their lifetime of possessions & memories and having to let go can be..

    As they say in New Zealand, Kia kaha, my friend. Take the time you need to take to process it all. We’re all here for you & we send you both & your families much love & many blessings
    Marc & Peg xxx /I\ xxx

  55. Light to you and yours in a dark time, my friend.
    Many of us have walked that path; it’s never as you had thought it might be. Please know that you are dearly loved, and that you have brought much comfort to us as we’ve sat with our own grief.
    We’ll leave a candle burning for your dear mother, to help her find her way home.

  56. Bless you Damh. I looked after both parents. Dad was difficullt, men usually are, but after he passed Mum was much easier. After Mum passed I got a job as a carer. I loved working on the dementia floor, they were also the most appreciative despite their predicament. Having an artistic imagination it was easy to enter their world and sometimes you could figure out what they were meaning in the apparent world. Its not so much she has forgotten you but cannot see its you through the fog of the astral realm. Also, so much excitement going on around she probably also felt a bit overwhelmed. I always thought one blessing was that they tend to be unaware of the not so nice indignities of growing old and its treatments. Its not easy being emotionally involved at these times but better to be aware that the pain you feel is yours, to them it is just so day after day. It may be she’ll occasionally turn nasty to you and act out of character. Quite common. A carer trick is to think that they are not talking to you but someone behind you over your shoulder. They aren’t really talking to you anyway in that sense. Humour is everything, you take it like a friendly humorous game though not easy but so long as you are like that when with them is the important thing. No good comes from being down when with them. I hope this helps. Enjoy Mum for what she is now not what she was. Take care Damh. Wishing you all the best.

  57. My thoughts are with you Dave. My best friends Mum has dementia and over the past 6 years I have watched her slow decline, though she is very sweet most of the time and never goes out but does get very confused at times. At the moment she lives with her only daughter and I do wonder how my friend copes as she works 4 days a week too and what will happen when she can’t look after her. It’s good to hear your path is giving you strength at this difficult time and your music also. May your Mums passing be peaceful, Blessed be.

  58. Sending you so much love and hugs. I have been on the same journey and it’s heartbreaking. My thoughts are with you xxx

  59. Oh Dave. I’ve been there too. Mum did actually remember who I was till the end except once during Covid when I had a mask on and my hair tied back. But the questions and repetition are so similar across your account and all these comments. We often thought, though, that living totally in the moment could be a blessing in its own right – no worries about past or future. But it’s so difficult for those who observe. The good thing is that she is being well looked after and that you are there for her. Blessings from the daft morris pair down in Cornwall xx

  60. Hi Damh,

    I’m so sorry to hear all of this. And yes as you say many of us have been through similar experiences. Myself (and my parents), have been through it with both my maternal and paternal grandmothers. Hearing them forget my name – especially when I spent so much time with both of them as a kid – hurt so much. Helping my dad and his sister clear out my paternal nan’s house, brought up so many mixed emotions (again, we lived with her for a time when I was young in that very house).

    I also went through it more recently with my now late wife’s father, who we had to put into a home. He suffers from vascular dementia, and had a psychotic break – hearing him declare his terminally ill daughter already dead, when she was in fact just upstairs sleeping, damn near ripped my heart out, and yet I still visit him to this day nearly 6 years after she did eventually pass. Because he is the most wonderful man.

    I hope you and Cerri will be ok, and your mum will be as happy as she is able to be in her home. It isn’t easy, but as you say it is something we all end up having to deal with for the sake of those we love in one form or another. Stay strong, and blessed be.

    Love and light /|\

  61. dearest DAVE/ceres

    SO VERY SAD TO HEAQ YR NEW’S UPDATE.. Ihave beARLETTE through this myss

    self, at a much younger age. it’s so sad for you both.

    try to ake in her favourite cakes, flowers chocs etc..CAN l offer some advice, l have recommended this to friends, take as many photos of you all as you can find, etcand remind your mum when showing photos of the gr9 Chrismas, hols. I ALSOSS SUGGEST IF IT’S OK TOt AKE IN A STONE nd paint on a hears. candle in red or pink. and leave it with yr Mum..if that’s ok or paint them with her ..just a suggestion… I’TS GR8 THEY MADE A CELEBRATION OF MUM’S B/DAY. AND MUSIC..

  62. Hi Damh.

    I know very well from my own experience the problem of deciding what to keep and what to throw out. You just can’t keep everything but so many things have memories attached to them.

    I found some old photos recently from the 1970s and one was taken in the kitchen in my parents’ house (both now gone). There was the old mains radio that was on from first thing in the morning to last thing at night. It was almost the centre of the home. That photo brings back so many happy memories which perhaps might not be the case if I still had that actual radio.

    In a photo an object is frozen in time. If you still have the physical object it is out of its special context.

    My advice would be to take photos of everything of note that you have to dispose of, and then tuck those photos away. The day will come when they are the trigger to a journey back through time that you will treasure.

  63. I worked in a nursing home for a few years, it was one of the most rewarding jobs i have ever had. It was also one the most heartbreaking jobs i have ever had. Dementia is a very difficult journey for everyone involved. Know that memories of her loved ones will stay with your mum until its time to crossover, even if she cant recall them at will.

  64. Bless you, i can relate to your emotions and situation having gone through practically the same situation though 1000 miles away from them ,be assured your love for mum and dad will conquer the pain and hurt you feel, everything has a price, and true reciprocal love has a high emotional dam to deal with, rare as it is,is so special the pain dissipates in to all the wonderful , warm ,memories , you were blessed indeed , Thank you for sharing xx

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